My years before discovering Scientology were very difficult, and full of despair. The relationship between my parents and myself was very strained and troubled. We didn't even speak for the first two years after I moved out on my own. Self esteem - I had very little. Drifting through life, searching for something to fill the hole that I felt in my soul, I went through a couple of years experimenting with drugs. Upon finding that this was not helping ease my pain, I started reading every self-help book I could find. Discovering that these books seemed only to help the authors, I started exploration into Metaphysics. This seemed to help for a while until one day I knew, in every cell of my being that it was time to move on. Not wanting to move on, I forced myself to leave this group of people who were honestly trying to improve their lives. I felt as if I belonged to something important with my metaphysics group. But I also knew that this route had given me all it could. I was calmer and less introverted, but I was still in trouble.

     There was a yearning inside that I could not quell. Knowing there was more to life than what I was living and what I had been through and not being able to find it was eating me up. I put on a brave face for the world but was dying inside.

     I was searching for magic - a life, a feeling I always had inside since I was a small child. I had always felt that there was something special inside me, and that life was supposed to be special. I just had to find the key so I could unlock the door to this... whatever it was. Everyone around me though made sure to teach me that there was NOTHING special about me and that I had absolutely nothing worth doing or saying. Anyway, for two years more, after leaving the metaphysical group, I drifted. Pain, loss, and guilt, had crippled me. Trying to ignore how I felt, I kept looking for a purpose.

     Unloved, used, disconnected to everyone and everything around me, and worthless, I happened upon two strangers one summer who showed interest in what I had to say. They seemed to understand me better than my own parents. After friendly conversation about our views on life, happiness, etc., they suggested I read a certain book. Yeah, yeah - I'd read all the self-help books I needed. I certainly wasn't going to waste time with another.

     After the summer was over we lost contact. In another six months, I was at the end of my rope. I went to the bookstore and bought the book they had suggested, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health. After only a couple of chapters, I knew this was the key. This was the way out of my Hell! I completed the book and called the number in the back, and my life hasn't been the same since. I was 27 by the time I finally found the map to the road that would lead me to freedom - freedom from my pain and suffering and misery.

     My life now is light-years away from what it was. I still have struggles to overcome, but now I have the tools to get through them. I have the confidence that: "Yes, I can do it," and "Yes, I am worth it," and "Yes, I am able, intelligent, and have value!!" My family has changed as I have changed and we are closer than I had ever thought possible. I have a job I can be proud of, a cozy, safe place I call home (which I support on my own) and a path I am following which I KNOW will lead to the fulfillment of my dreams.