I have a story. I feel this story needs to be told. It is all true, it happened. So where do I start? I come from a family of ten. I am in the middle, a child who never really fit anywhere. I was always lonely detached, not quite part of anything. I did not feel connected, not even to my parents. They were good people hard working, Catholic. I got plenty of discipline in the form of wooden spoons and jug cords, but not much communication. That was just the way it was then to handle people.

     In hindsight I now realize there was so much abuse, too much. I am super sensitive, even as a child I was always close to tears, but as I grew up, I learnt to keep my feelings and emotions to myself. I became very introverted.

     It was around this time at the age of seven I started stealing, small things, money out of my mothers purse, milk bottle money from neighbors. I became a child thief. It was around this time I also developed an eating disorder, which was to last twenty-six years, on and off. These were manifestations of a deeply troubled young woman.

     Time moved on, I turned thirteen and I was incredibly angry with everyone especially myself, I was my own worst enemy. I hated all big people. I was resentful. It was around this time my older brother was placed under psychiatric care. He was fifteen. He had an accident, a trailer had hit him on the hip he ended up in hospital and he was given psychiatric drugs. THEN HE WAS DIAGNOSED AS PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC. This happened in Oakley hospital in NZ. I remember the whole family going to visit him, and when we all made our way down the long winding path, beautifully manicured gardens on either side we came to a door. A man in a white coat opened that locked door. The room was painted lime green, there were bars on the windows and a mattress on the floor. I could see the walls were smashed. I was one of the first in my family to see him there. On that mattress on the floor was my brother, my big strong athletic brother reduced into a foetal position whimpering. I heard one of the psychiatrist say ’’He put up a good fight’’. I would have put up a "Good Fight’’ too if I had been in his position of that I am sure. I remember thinking as an aware thirteen year old young girl" something is terribly wrong with him now, this is not the way it should be’’. He had been shock treated. He eventually came out of that place.

     The fights between he and my father really affected me. Two men I loved. That same bother used to push himself on me. I know now he was not in his right mind, I did not really know it then. He got kicked out of home and he really got into weights. I would say because what part of his mind was left this was a way physically to ’’protect himself’’ He became very strong and I was scared of him. I had no one I could trust. I certainly was not doing well at school, but how could I tell anybody I felt so dirty, so ashamed.

     I am telling you this because I know shock treatment needs to be put in the dark ages where it belongs. It does not work. It destroys the human spirit. My brother does not have a life anymore, it was taken from him at the age of fifteen.

     I survived of course. I had literally no self-esteem. It was not long after this we sold our home and moved. I was in high school it had got to the stage I was asked to leave school I was classed as a ’’disruptive influence’’. That actually didn’t bother me anyhow, I wasn’t much in to what I was learning anyhow. I had learnt to read and write in my first two years of school. I was out of there and out of home not long after, neither had become very survival for me. I was fourteen and half I went from relationship to relationship, if you could call it that, job to job desperately searching for what I did not know. There was so much violence throughout my "reactive" teenage years. To cut a long story shorter over a period of thirteen years I had 3 wonderful children to 3 different relationships.

     In 1991 I was a single mother to these children and I had thought I had made it. I had a good job, a nice place to live, no man but I had my family. I was starting to do well. It was then I met a Croatian woman-a very suppressive personality and she introduced me to a Serbian man, a man who saw a war coming in his own country. He came over here before the war broke out, married a woman, got his visa so he could stay in this country. Left her, and got involved with this woman. They were drug pushers with the Sydney Mafia. I didn’t know this at the time. I got caught up in so much trouble. I was under incredible suppression. These guys were vicious They didn’t care about people. How could they? They didn’t even have enough self-respect. I lost my children, the fathers took their daughters, my children. I could not function. It was like my heart and soul had been ripped out. Now I can get over a broken heart but loosing my daughters that was too much. They were only babies . I could not get out of bed for six months. I had crashed. I had gone insane, trust me next time you feel like crying don’t bother I have done your crying for you. It was around this time I thought I was going to die . Threatening phone calls. I also had a few realizations about myself. This was not easy, let me tell you. I was at need of change! When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

     Then I met a Scientologist. He had something that I wanted, he was sane. I knew not to go and see a psychiatrist because if you’re not crazy before seeing one, you definitely will be after you see one, and I was crazy enough. But I was going to get the right help.

     Little bit by little bit he helped me to use Scientology Technology to work my life out. That was 5 years ago today. I am so sane today I really love people again. I care, I love my children, and when they are ready to come back into my life, they will have a mother. I have always been on a spiritual quest and believe that communication is the universal solvent. Scientology works, it literally saved my life. In that 6 months I cried buckets and buckets of tears. But I am not victim, I am one of the lucky ones. I found Scientology, or should I say Scientology found me, in my darkest hours. I am not saying it was easy. I had so much anger, hostility and resentment in me it was eating me up. But with the patience and persistence of the most truly dedicated people on this planet, I have a life. It could be better and it will be. It really all comes down to confront. None of us are angels, well not yet anyhow. We have to learn to open up our hearts and as L. Ron Hubbard says: "to love inspite of all... may very well be the greatest secret of this universe," I believe this personally.

     I am an astrologer - that is my own religion - it doesn’t matter what religion you are, Scientology Technology works for everybody no matter what denomination. Astrology is the blueprint for this life but from what I see and have learned, there is so much false data in this science. Scientology is pure, it is 100% workable and I truly believe it should be implemented into the education system, right across the planet which is happening as I write.

     New World Order, new civilization, new workings into the mind all predicted 2000 years ago. How is this happening? Universal religion a religion for the 21st century. Scientology’s aim: A world without war, a world with out insanity and a world with out criminality. This man was a genius, a true humanitarian, man’s greatest friend. Lets grow up and accept the challenge of creating a new civilization where man cares again, where we cast out fear and put past hurts aside. Let’s learn to love and trust our brothers and sisters.

     Actually we don’t have a choice anymore, we have to change as a humanity to really go free. Our children deserve much better than what we got. We are the generation that the responsibility rests on. Even you reading this has a mission to fulfill. We are here for the long haul, past lives of course, it’s so logical - how could we possibly know what we need to know in just a 70-80 year span? No way. I know the spirit, the soul of man is a terminal.

     I could tell you more but this is enough for now. I want your trust. My relationships with men and women are so much more rewarding and now I know how to really think for myself and not let destructive, suppressive people into my life, I deserve better. As you can see, I don’t have a self esteem problem anymore, I know I am a valuable person just as you are. But don’t take my word for it, read a book or do a course and find out for yourself. Work your own truth out for really the truth does set you free.

     The meek shall inherit the earth. You know why? by their shared strength standing shoulder to shoulder confronting the problems of illiteracy drugs, not just street drugs, Prozac for depression - "the problems don’t go away unless you handle the problem", Ritalin for attention deficit disorder - "look at the diet of the child and clear up misunderstood words and love him, you can never love a child enough" and criminality - "we have a technology that is going into our criminal system under the name of Criminon - meaning no crime, this technology re-educated the guys into taking responsibility for why they are in there. This is the war going on, the last war of all. We are going to make it.

     Educate yourself, think for yourself and be the best person you can be. Set your goals high - you’re going to make it. Even when I was in my own personal war, in my own mind, I knew one day I would see the sunshine, and I do nowadays. One day also I am sure I will find true love, a man who shares my viewpoint for a better world. It is funny at present I have fallen in love with a Turkish Muslim man, a deeply spiritual man. I feel I have known him before and he feels the same way too. Your answers are all inside your heart anyhow, and Scientology gives you the tools to work it out. Scientology is for the able to become more able. I have dreams again, slowly I am starting to really recreate my life including helping others. I think one of the most wonderful things I am learning is not what the planet can do for me, it is what I can do for the planet. To give is to receive, and it’s all here.

     All my questions are being answered. So to those I am reaching here on the Internet, no matter the age, I know what Scientology did for me when I was in my own hell. I never thought I would say this, let alone on the Internet. I have learnt to be humble, to be grateful, to have another chance at a real life to get it right. I hope my three children choose Scientology as a way of life. I had the chance at eighteen but I chose not too take it, I thought then in 1976 this is a weird place, not for me, but many years later, Scientology found me in a much, much worse state, like I said, I had gone insane, my life was a mess. I mean you have no idea how bad it really was. I can tell you this now, once again I feel the sunshine on my face, my heart is open, I care again, and it touches my soul deeply to know how mankind suffers on this planet. The loneliness can get unbearable at times but through connecting up to a new civilization where man can rise to greater heights (not my words, L. Ron Hubbard’s) where the able can be more able - those are the wishes this amazing man had for us. He dedicated this life, and maybe previous lives, to putting a workable technology to free us.